I'm taking my own advice

This morning, while counseling a client, I said, "We need to recognize when we are on the fence, get off the fence, and make the best of our choices!"

When the session was over, I emailed samples of my Mental Matters column and a photo of myself to a local weekly paper. I have been finding a variety of activities to get in the way of my goals, and sharing my wisdom with a client helped me practice what I preach.

I think the same is true for many of us. We know what others should do, but we forget to do it ourselves. What we know isn't necessarily what we do. Knowledge doesn't always equate to action.

So, listen to what you tell others. Maybe you will hear the advice you need.

Until the next time: Live while you live!

Call 911, without hesitation, if you are in danger of hurting yourself or someone else.

Enjoy the present - put the past where it belongs

Isn't it interesting how our life today isn't what we thought it would be? It is also interesting how we see our lives verses how others see our lives. We all look through different lenses; what is real is in the eyes of the one seeing.

If you understand what I am referring to, you obviously spend time comparing, analyzing, and possibly regretting. You are hanging out in the past.

If we spend one minute of time thinking about yesterday, we are wasting today. What was felt, learned, or experienced is done - over - adios! The only time revisiting the past is beneficial is when one needs to recount details in order to release negative influence. Spending our time recalling pleasant memories also prevents one from truly digesting the pleasures of the present moment.

Of course, what I am suggesting is impossible. Our minds circle around and through the past, present, and future every second. Goals of controlling thoughts that only produce positive seeds for the future would make sense, but none of us have that depth of mind control.

So, my thought for the day: consciously try to focus only on the moment you are inhaling and exhaling. Try it for ten minutes today, twenty tomorrow, etc. You will be surprised how that helps the past stay in the back of your thoughts, not interfering with any pleasure that is right in front of you, right now!

Until the next time: Live while you live!

Call 911, without hesitation, if you are in danger of hurting yourself or someone else.

Drunk is never good

I woke up on July 5th to news that a family was hit by a drunk driver in Grand Lake, CO while walking to their car after a fireworks display. Once I called and confirmed my family members, who were attending the same celebration, were safe, I relaxed but kept listening to the news for more information.

At church this morning we learned that the family was from Estes Park, members of the Catholic community, and that the father died. The mother, and three kids, age nineteen to three, were injured but expected to live.

I envisioned the father walking closest to the road as most gentlemen are taught. Because of that, he was hit first, saving his family. The drunk driver, speeding with his lights off, and his passengers were not injured.

My thoughts wondered to the drunk driver. When he woke up in jail and realized what he had done, did he feel pain in his chest signaling remorse? Did he think his Fourth of July fun, that included his excessive drinking, was worth the life of another person? Did he take responsibility or did he blame the family for walking along side that road? When he chose to fill his glass time after time, did he think ahead to when he might refuse to give his keys to someone so he didn't climb behind the wheel of his 2006 Ford pickup truck? Did he think about the woman and two kids in the truck with him. Was he so drunk that he didn't remember? Did he feel guilt or shame for all the lives his actions affected? Did he know his drunkenness hurt his family, the victims family, church communities, total towns? Did he care?

Drinking can contribute to fun times - drunk is wrong - drunk is never good. If one cannot control the amount of alcohol they choose to swallow, they should not drink at all. Drunk is ugly, and the consequences of behavior without one's head attached leads to history that can never get a "do-over."

Until the next time: Live while you live!

Call 911, without hesitation, if you are in danger of hurting yourself or someone else.

Use your weakness to become strong

We all have a personality - I know, it is hard to believe when we think of some people we know. But, truth is, we all have one. If we understand all aspects of our personalities, the strengths and the weaknesses, we can use that knowledge to our advantage.

We usually focus on our strengths, as we should. But, we have "inferior functions" that pop up and get in the way of what we know to be true. They are the parts of us that develop last; those we seldom use.

I want to give three examples; myself - two friends - three solutions.

One, an INFP friend. (Introverted-iNtuition-Feeling-Perceiving) Her strength is in her introverted Feeling, her 2nd top strength is extroverted iNtuition, tertiary is introverted Sensing, and her inferior function is extroverted Thinking. She is struggling with letting go of something, and it is her tertiary, introverted Sensing, that will help her. She needs to go to her core and identify something negative or unpleasant that she sensed - sight, taste, touch, hear, smell, and use that sensing to help her let go of what she knows is not healthy for her. Whenever she is aware that she is hanging on tighter to what she needs to release, she needs to remember the negative sensing she identified, and notice how it helps her inferior thinking snap her out of her irrational gripping. Her weakness can help her overcome her addiction.

Second, and ENTJ. (Extroverted-iNtuition-Thinking-Judging) Her strength is her extroverted Thinking, her 2nd top strength is introverted iNtuition, tertiary is extroverted Sensing, and her inferior function is introverted feeling. She was struggling on Tuesday with sadness, despair, and depression. She was in her inferior function, feelings that were internal that she was not talking about. Her tertiary, extroverted sensing, helped her get out of her funk. I asked her to focus on all the situations in her life that could give justification to her sadness. They were things in her outer world; what she saw, smelled, touched, heard, or tasted. That helped her get back to her strength of extroverted Thinking. Her weakness helped her overcome something that felt out of her control.
I also suggested she get a good night's sleep. We are never in our strength if we are hungry, angry, lonely, or tired.

I am an ESTJ. (Extroverted-Sensing-Thinking-Judging) I used my tertiary function to quit smoking. I loved smoking. I would leave work to smoke, sit down to smoke, hang out with friends to smoke. I loved it! It used my tertiary, extroverted iNtuition, to stop the urgency. It worked beautifully. I searched my outside (extroverted) world to find something I valued in the whole big scheme of things. It was my health. Whenever I thought I could not go one more second without a cigarette, I would say out loud, "I want to be healthy!" I could feel the tension in my arms relax and I could go another ten minutes until the next urge came. I would do it all over again. Eventually, the time increased between the addiction craving and I knew it no longer controlled me. Tapping into my tertiary strength, repeating my one-liner over and over, and trusting my knowledge, I overcame an addiction that was truly ruining my health.

Never stop learning about yourself. You are your best, and often your only, true advocate.

Until the next time: Live while you live!

Call 911, without hesitation, if you are in danger of hurting yourself or someone else.