I hope I die before Libraries are extinct

I am not a literary expert by my or anyone's stretch of imagination but I love libraries; they have been interwoven throughout my adult life.

When I was a student at Colorado State College I worked at the library as work-study employment. My job was to shelve the books. Upon arriving for my shift, I would find the rolling cart where someone else had placed all the returned books, and off I would go - putting books back into their correct Dewey Decimal home in the "stacks." I loved going to work; the smells, the quiet air, the intellectual ambiance, the dark mystique of rows and spaces. Mainly I liked to touch the books and wonder around the stacks looking at titles.

Thirty years later I lived for nine months in an old schoolhouse bed and breakfast, Noftsger Hill Inn. The owners allowed me to use the library room for my counseling office. I refinished the floors and shelves, bought black leather furniture and an abstract rug, and hung my shingle. It was cozy, and I felt secure and empowered within it's walls.

In 2002, I purchased and restored an old Carnegie Library.  It became my home, a bed and breakfast, and my counseling center. For eight years, it was my safe place, my happy place. I decorated with books and named the rooms after former librarians. It holds the stories of my courageous clients and interesting guests? It was gloriously awesome!

One of the thrills in my life was doing a bit of research at the Harvard library. Sitting in the big oak arm chair at the massive oak table I felt like a little peanut who had just been promoted to organic butter. I remember it clearly; climbing the stairs, smelling the book scents, feeling the smooth wood I'm my skin, the cool air, and my shallow breathing. Little ole me was like walking the halls of wisdom.

I visit libraries whenever I get the chance. Carnegie libraries are always on the top of my list, but today I am enjoying a wingback chair on the second floor of the Copper Queen Library. It has the same familiar, intense attraction.

I can't imagine life without libraries to rescue me from the world, or physical books to touch; it would be so hollow. My prayer for today,"Dear Lord, please let me die before libraries become extinct."

 How silly of me - I know there must be libraries in Heaven.

Until the next time: Live while you  

Call 911, without hesitation, if you are in danger of hurting yourself or someone else.

God isn't finished with me yet

I came within inches of having a horrid wreck last night.

Yesterday I drove three hours to watch my 8th grade granddaughter play Volleyball. My drive home to Estes Park was eventful. I was on highway 119, it was around 7:00 p.m., and it was foggy enough for me to have my windshield wipers on slow. I was traveling around 35 mph, there were two vehicles behind me, and as I steered to the right to go around a mountain curve, I lost control on the ice. The car spun around and headed for the left hand shoulder. There was no guardrail, no visible trees; just an obvious drop-off. I was driving a Solstice convertible and I remember thinking, "Oh My God!" I really thought I was going over the edge of the road into the black night seeing nothing that could stop me from going straight down the mountain.

Suddenly, the car turned sharp to the right and stopped abruptly on the gray gravel shoulder with the car facing the highway. I didn't wreck! I pushed on the gas and inched my way off the narrow shoulder and back onto the right lane. The two cars behind me, that had stopped when they saw my loss of control, passed me after I was moving forward with no visible evidence of harm.

During those terrifying seconds, there was no oncoming traffic. Had there been, since I was in their lane of travel and they had no means of seeing me until they rounded the curve, they would have hit me head-on or broad-side, and we both could have gone over the edge.

My left hand automatically flew over my mouth. I crept along the right side of the road for several miles, my hand still over my mouth. I don't remember breathing, or thinking. I do remember whispering, many times, "Thank you sweet Jesus!"

I still had at least 40 miles to drive to get home, and somehow, I did.

I am trying to work my way through the maze of book publishing. I have written My Clients - My Teachers, a book about 54 mental health clients and one therapist disclosing the heart and soul of psychotherapy. I get very discouraged and lost. After my harrowing experience on highway 119, in the dark heavy fog, I know God isn't finished with me yet. I am still here to finish what I have begun and what could help so many people.

Wish me luck, although I think I am about the luckiest person I know right at the moment.

Until the next time: Live while you live 

Call 911, without hesitation, if you are in danger of hurting yourself or someone else.

Appreciation

Being grateful and feeling authentic appreciation is one of the most successful means of attaining good mental health.

What or who have you appreciated today?

This morning I went for a walk behind the Leid Lodge in Nebraska City. I was grateful for the:
-  hot coffee
-  quiet
-  solitude
-  sun finding its way through the fall leaves
-  solid wooden bridges
-  family of deer who stopped their play long enough to say, "Good morning!"
-  music from the high school marching band practicing on a nearby football field
-  two squirrels playing on the stately oak tree
-  ability to walk
-  beauty of nature
-  fall colors
-  refreshing air
-  ability to see the good around me
-  opportunity to take such a peaceful walk
-  one more memory

I challenge you to make your own appreciation list.....right now!
  

Until the next time: Live while you  

 

Call 911, without hesitation, if you are in danger of hurting yourself or someone else.

 

Become aware of natural, no-cost education

I think life is about learning and I learn something every day. Following is an incomplete list of what I learned on the afternoon of October 2, and the morning of October 3, 2013:

-  it is okay to be silent......words not spoken are often the most effective communication
-  people you know well can surprise you with unexpected positive or negative behavior
-  God's beauty never ceases to astound me
-  self- confidence ebbs and flows....it is not a constant
-  trust is the number one necessity for building relationships
-  ask questions - an honest answer can save a ton of time and  stimulate encouragement
-  if you want something .... Really want it-you must DO something every day to get it
-  when I feel overwhelmed .....I need help (practice what I preach)
-  Montana is gorgeous!
-  gratitude is the most important source of happiness
-  you can't persuade (get people going in the same direction) unless you use descriptive words
-  the world has gone smart phone - landlines are soon to be obsolete
-  roses carry a universal message....."I love and value you."
-  I REALLY want "My publisher" to be a part of MY vocabulary
-  the Rocky Mountains gives us more shades of green than a box of 120 crayons
-  fairness is important to the young and to the old
-  if we smile, even if we are not happy, we feel better
-  my daughter was my best birthday present ever
-  Few things are more contagious than laughter
-  authentic is my brand word

All of the above came to me in less than 24 hours. Life IS about learning. Pay attention.

What have you learned today?

Until the next time: Live while you live! 

Call 911, without hesitation, if you are in danger of hurting yourself or someone else.

Choose what replenishes your soul

The sun is shining and we haven't had rain since Monday. Hallelujah!

We all need a new focus. I turned mine to books and visiting with a good friend.

I was thrilled to get to spend two hours at the Tattered Cover, an independent bookstore in downtown Denver. I don't believe there is a place on earth that feeds my soul like a library or bookstore. It must be like a high on drugs; the world and all its darkness leaves my consciousness and I am left with the serenity of knowledge and achievement. It astounds me to see the thousands of books that have been written, edited, published, and marketed. Since I have written a book and have been exploring the publishing world, I know that writing the book is the most enjoyable and the easiest part of the process. I left there with a stack of books and renewed energy.

Yesterday I met a friend for lunch. We laughed and darted back and forth between dozens of subjects, and I left there with gratitude, encouragement, and concrete helpfulness. I was refreshed. I'm not sure why we allow our lives to get so full of everything and anything that we neglect the important things; people and activities that replenish, nourish, and build.

Why do we deny our individual needs and wants? Why don't we stop and think before we say "yes" to something that fills our time but drains our bucket.

We all have choices and if we don't know or control the discrepancies between the would, could, and should of life, we are the only ones to blame.

What do you need to change in your life that has you running like a rat in a race that has no grand prize?


Until the next time: Live while you live! 

Call 911, without hesitation, if you are in danger of hurting yourself or someone else.

It is raining.....again! I left the town of Sterling, CO this morning and it was pouring rain. I-76 had some flooding before I reached Brush. It is a mess. The poor citizens of Sterling have been on no flush , with no school and no restaurants or food service for over a week.

I say, "UNCLE! Enough already!" We so need a break from the water and flooding and damage. I believe everyone is fine, people are just tired, and their emotional and physical reserves are dwindling thin. I am personally not affected because I am staying with family that has a private septic system, but I can see the stress on the faces of everyone I greet. The tolerance level,  or lack thereof, is growing more evident with each day.

It is easy for me to say, "Hang in there-this too shall pass!" But, I am not suffering like the majority, so I have no way to totally relate to what they are experiencing.

The most I can offer is compassion, sympathy, and a helping hand with a listening ear. I know the waste water situation is critical and now is not my time to be positive and neutralizing. 

I send everyone a virtual side-hug.....my best goes to you all!

Until the next time: Live while you live! 

Call 911, without hesitation, if you are in danger of hurting yourself or someone else.

Mother Nature is like a bad parent

I have been in Estes Park, CO during the flood that started on Wednesday, 9-11-13. I have been thankful to have a home on high ground, electricity, internet service, and TV. Many have not been close to being so fortunate.

As the rain stopped and I was able to get out and walk around our damaged little town, I was humbled by the power of Mother Nature. The Big Thompson RAGED; it growled, groaned, roared, and violated everything it touched. It was like a scene in a horror movie. It carried sand, branches, lawn loungers, yard toys, and trees. It pushed bridges, paved highways, houses, boulders, and chunks of mountain over like they were miniatures in a dollhouse.

When it had released the bulk of its adrenalin, it relaxed like the aftermath of a tonic-clonic seizure (formerly known as a grand mal seizure) As the days passed and the water from the Big Thompson, Pouder, and St. Vrain, merged and invaded the northeastern plains, it was more like a thief in the night. It flowed in and spread out, and instead of destroying everything in its path, it filled everything with water, isolated it from services, and left it for someone else to abandon or repair.

I'm not happy with Mother Nature! I think she holds grudges, stores angry emotions, and then unloads. She loves us then she beats on us - literally; just like a bad, volatile parent; one who has a diagnosable personality disorder.

Just my thoughts for this Sunday morning. Writing it helps me face the destruction I will witness on my way to Our Lady of the Mountains.

Until the next time: Live while you live! 

Call 911, without hesitation, if you are in danger of hurting yourself or someone else.

Treat yourself to a day to do nothing

Find a day to do nothing!

I hope every person has an entire day to do only what they want to do. I had a day like that today; I stayed in my cabin, played scrabble on my I-pad, and watched the ocean. Around 2:00 I opened a bottle of champagne and shared it with my sweet husband. It was like a day from heaven; a gift. The air is sweet, the breeze is gentle, and rejecting all responsibilities is a luxury!

Did I waste a day? Yes!

Did I deserve a day with no pressure? Probably not!

Did I appreciate every moment? Yes!

Did I accomplish a thing? No!

Do I care? No!

Was it good for my mental health? Absolutely!

I want all of you to find a day, or part of a day, that can be just yours. Do nothing significant; make yourself special. You deserve it!

Until the next time: Live while you live! 

Call 911, without hesitation, if you are in danger of hurting yourself or someone else.

A smaller environment can help us feel more significant

Sitting on the deck of the Carnival Sunshine, docked in Naples, Italy, waiting for our friends to finish breakfast and meet us for debarkation, I look ahead to see a city of hills camouflaged with tall, neutral buildings. Across the large dock, I see the huge Norwegian EPIC cruise ship. The Princess DAWN is docked in front of us. Below me I watch people of every size, shape, age, and color getting off our ship with visible excitement for the awaited adventures of the day in Naples, Pompei, Sorrento, or Capri. 

I am so far from the security and comforts of home, and as each port passes, I feel smaller; a mere spot in the dynamics of the world.

The realization of my insignificance in the masses helps me put my daily problems, worries, and hurts in perspective; three million people in Barcelona, two and one-half million in Florence, 60 million in all of Italy, (according to the cab drivers) three thousand people on this ship....and the next....and the next; it's all quite humbling.

I resist seeing myself as a speck on the earth, but I fear it is true. The thought also offers a bit of freedom; I am so minute I do not have much affect, if any, on the health, wellness, or wisdom of  the universe. 

That must be why we shrink our personal world; we need to believe our existence makes a difference to someone or something. Because of that, I look forward to getting home and hugging my kids, both big and small, pressing towards my publishing goals, and renewing my belief that my choices do make a difference, to someone.

Until the next time: Live while you live! 

Call 911, without hesitation, if you are in danger of hurting yourself or someone else.

Quotes can be treasures

I had a marvelous treat tonight. I sat down to watch the news, checked to see what was on Turner Classic Movies, and GONE WITH THE WIND scrolled across the screen. It is an all time favorite of mine.

I loved the spunk and drive of Scarlet, the unbelievable charisma of Rhett, the angel-like presence of Melanie, but I didn't like the spineless Ashley, the damage of war, the tragedy of Bonnie's death, and Scarlet's blindness to true love. I have always gained so much from contemplating the message behind quotes and Gone With the Wind is no exception. I am leaving you with my favorites from the movie:

 Scarlet: "As God is my witness, I'll never be hungry again!" 
 Scarlet: "I'll think about that tomorrow. Tomorrow is another day." 
 Rhett: "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn!" 
 Scarlet: "Oh,Fiddle-dee-dee." 
 Scarlet's father: "It will come to you, this love of the land. There's no gettin' away from it if      you're Irish."  
 Rhett: "Don't drink alone Scarlet, people will always find out and ruin your reputation."    Mammy: "It ain't fittin, it just ain't fittin!"

Until the next time: Live while you live!

Call 911, without hesitation, if you are in danger of hurting yourself or someone else.

Treat yourself to a massage

I just had a one hour massage and if I had a magic wand, I would have everyone in the whole wide world get one every Monday morning. My legs and neck and hands.....my whole body feels renewed and younger and ready to greet the week.

I told my massuse, "The perfect massage therapy business would have 20 rooms and after the treatment, one could lie on the table as long as they wanted. They could pay by the hour.....the music and aroma could let me sleep deep for at least 6 hours:-)

But, since we don't have a perfect world, I tried to enjoy it for the thousands of people who wouldn't even know what I was talking about. I dragged my body off the table, and made another appointment.....telling myself, "You are worth it!"

I promise to appreciate and enjoy it for the rest of the world! One of life's true luxuries!


Until the next time: Live while you live!

Call 911, without hesitation, if you are in danger of hurting yourself or someone else.

Give yourself a gift - a day by yourself

I love spending time with my sweet husband, family members, and friends. But, once in a while, it is good for me to have a day to myself.

Yesterday was a good example. I had three appointments in Denver, two of which were not much fun, and one that was a necessity, a haircut. The appointments are not what made my isolating day valuable.

What made it good, like a gift, is that I did exactly what I wanted. I listened to my choice of music, stopped for coffee, ate lunch where I could have tofu in my salad, stopped for dessert at a sidewalk crepe café, walked, took a bus, drove home the long way, and finished my day at the Stanley Hotel enjoying delicious salmon, reading a book, and listening to strangers laugh and discuss intellectual opinions concerning tourism in Colorado.

I did no shopping, called no friends for lunch, turned off my phone, and enjoyed me in my day. 

I guess I needed the time; time to feel no pressure from anyone for anything.
I suggest everyone treat themselves to a day, once in a while, by themselves. Don't design it like mine, don't plan it at all. Allow the moment to mandate what you choose.

There are so many treasures hidden along the side of the road as we are rushing from one obligation to another; new experiences that can offer simple pleasures, freedom of thought, and refreshed perspectives.  

Stroll through a day by yourself for a change; become reacquainted with who you are and what you value. You are worth the gift!

Until the next time: Live while you live!

Call 911, without hesitation, if you are in danger of hurting yourself or someone else.

Self-love

We often think about love as an emotion; elated feelings of joy, warmth, and fullness. Visions of love include hearts, cupids, roses, and kisses. I believe love is an attitude, kindness, respect, and admiration. It is also an action: helping, supporting, and communicating.

There is even a theory that we each have a love language; gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service and physical touch. (Gary Chapman)

Whatever love means to each of us, we need to transfer the goodness of emotion, attitude or action to ourselves. We must love ourselves first! We cannot give away something we don't have.

Allow yourself to feel positive emotions about your thoughts, choices, and desires. Every day, do some nice things for yourself; long walk, hot bath, phone call to a friend. Know your own love language so you can ask for what you want, but more importantly, you can do for yourself what you want others to do for you.


Until the next time: Live while you live!

Call 911, without hesitation, if you are in danger of hurting yourself or someone else.

Life is our best professor

I believe life is about learning, and the older I get the more I realize our lessons come to us - we do not need to go searching for them. I also have come to know that our teachers are seldom kind, sweet, and gentle.

This week I have been struggling to figure out what I am suppose to learn from an experience I had via email. A close family member sent me a message specifically accusing me of a heinous act.

What am I suppose to learn from this? I've walked and talked and prayed and written and thought. My heart hurts, my head aches, and body screams with questions. Just when I think I am about to put the pieces together, a new memory pops up and I am back to confusion.

I've learned what it feels like to become an instant victim; I've learned, again, that I should not trust someone just because they are family; I've learned the value of having a supportive spouse; I've learned, again, that kindness does not always beget kindness; I've learned, again, the venom of jealousy; and the immense power of one's thoughts.

I forgive her because I know she needs help. She needs regular therapy, she needs drugs that don't just allow her to sleep most of the day, but drugs that help her cope and live life fully. 

I also know I do not need to learn the lesson of her wrath again, I got it. I can care for her, but I can also care for myself and guard against being in situations where she gets the opportunity to fabricate other defaming stories.

I have gained compassion for people who are falsely blamed for crimes they did not commit. It is a helpless feeling. 

May you all learn from my experience: be careful who you trust, and love yourself enough to create safe boundaries from anyone, even family, who intentionally and maliciously impose harm.

Don't forget the given: we have no control over someone else, because we don't control their thoughts. But, we have 100% control of ourselves. THAT is the good news.


Until the next time: Live while you live!

Call 911, without hesitation, if you are in danger of hurting yourself or someone else.

The value of thinking

Sitting in a quaint little coffee shop in Bisbee AZ, looking around the room at people reading, working on their computers, asking the barista if there is any healthy food, or just drinking their favorite brew and looking out the window onto Main Street and Tombstone Canyon, I can't help but ponder the value of time to just sit and think.

I love drive time, walking time, writing time, and kneeling in church time, because all four activate my thoughts. These are times when my head connects with my heart and my creativity is accessed. We must allow time for the inside of us to surface so we can understand what distinguishes us from the masses.

How can we ever get to know ourselves if we never take time to build a relationship with the person who lives in our spine?

As a counselor, when I closed the door to my office, and the world left me alone with my client, I was more connected to my true self than any other time of the day. I was congruent for the benefit of helping, but it was truly a gift to me. I described it as transformation-from the outer Jennifer to the inner, wiser Dr. J.

So, figure out your activities that allow thinking time; true-self time to think. Grant yourself priority and become more of who you really are!


Until the next time: Live while you live!

Call 911, without hesitation, if you are in danger of hurting yourself or someone else.

I'm taking my own advice

This morning, while counseling a client, I said, "We need to recognize when we are on the fence, get off the fence, and make the best of our choices!"

When the session was over, I emailed samples of my Mental Matters column and a photo of myself to a local weekly paper. I have been finding a variety of activities to get in the way of my goals, and sharing my wisdom with a client helped me practice what I preach.

I think the same is true for many of us. We know what others should do, but we forget to do it ourselves. What we know isn't necessarily what we do. Knowledge doesn't always equate to action.

So, listen to what you tell others. Maybe you will hear the advice you need.

Until the next time: Live while you live!

Call 911, without hesitation, if you are in danger of hurting yourself or someone else.

Enjoy the present - put the past where it belongs

Isn't it interesting how our life today isn't what we thought it would be? It is also interesting how we see our lives verses how others see our lives. We all look through different lenses; what is real is in the eyes of the one seeing.

If you understand what I am referring to, you obviously spend time comparing, analyzing, and possibly regretting. You are hanging out in the past.

If we spend one minute of time thinking about yesterday, we are wasting today. What was felt, learned, or experienced is done - over - adios! The only time revisiting the past is beneficial is when one needs to recount details in order to release negative influence. Spending our time recalling pleasant memories also prevents one from truly digesting the pleasures of the present moment.

Of course, what I am suggesting is impossible. Our minds circle around and through the past, present, and future every second. Goals of controlling thoughts that only produce positive seeds for the future would make sense, but none of us have that depth of mind control.

So, my thought for the day: consciously try to focus only on the moment you are inhaling and exhaling. Try it for ten minutes today, twenty tomorrow, etc. You will be surprised how that helps the past stay in the back of your thoughts, not interfering with any pleasure that is right in front of you, right now!

Until the next time: Live while you live!

Call 911, without hesitation, if you are in danger of hurting yourself or someone else.

Drunk is never good

I woke up on July 5th to news that a family was hit by a drunk driver in Grand Lake, CO while walking to their car after a fireworks display. Once I called and confirmed my family members, who were attending the same celebration, were safe, I relaxed but kept listening to the news for more information.

At church this morning we learned that the family was from Estes Park, members of the Catholic community, and that the father died. The mother, and three kids, age nineteen to three, were injured but expected to live.

I envisioned the father walking closest to the road as most gentlemen are taught. Because of that, he was hit first, saving his family. The drunk driver, speeding with his lights off, and his passengers were not injured.

My thoughts wondered to the drunk driver. When he woke up in jail and realized what he had done, did he feel pain in his chest signaling remorse? Did he think his Fourth of July fun, that included his excessive drinking, was worth the life of another person? Did he take responsibility or did he blame the family for walking along side that road? When he chose to fill his glass time after time, did he think ahead to when he might refuse to give his keys to someone so he didn't climb behind the wheel of his 2006 Ford pickup truck? Did he think about the woman and two kids in the truck with him. Was he so drunk that he didn't remember? Did he feel guilt or shame for all the lives his actions affected? Did he know his drunkenness hurt his family, the victims family, church communities, total towns? Did he care?

Drinking can contribute to fun times - drunk is wrong - drunk is never good. If one cannot control the amount of alcohol they choose to swallow, they should not drink at all. Drunk is ugly, and the consequences of behavior without one's head attached leads to history that can never get a "do-over."

Until the next time: Live while you live!

Call 911, without hesitation, if you are in danger of hurting yourself or someone else.

Use your weakness to become strong

We all have a personality - I know, it is hard to believe when we think of some people we know. But, truth is, we all have one. If we understand all aspects of our personalities, the strengths and the weaknesses, we can use that knowledge to our advantage.

We usually focus on our strengths, as we should. But, we have "inferior functions" that pop up and get in the way of what we know to be true. They are the parts of us that develop last; those we seldom use.

I want to give three examples; myself - two friends - three solutions.

One, an INFP friend. (Introverted-iNtuition-Feeling-Perceiving) Her strength is in her introverted Feeling, her 2nd top strength is extroverted iNtuition, tertiary is introverted Sensing, and her inferior function is extroverted Thinking. She is struggling with letting go of something, and it is her tertiary, introverted Sensing, that will help her. She needs to go to her core and identify something negative or unpleasant that she sensed - sight, taste, touch, hear, smell, and use that sensing to help her let go of what she knows is not healthy for her. Whenever she is aware that she is hanging on tighter to what she needs to release, she needs to remember the negative sensing she identified, and notice how it helps her inferior thinking snap her out of her irrational gripping. Her weakness can help her overcome her addiction.

Second, and ENTJ. (Extroverted-iNtuition-Thinking-Judging) Her strength is her extroverted Thinking, her 2nd top strength is introverted iNtuition, tertiary is extroverted Sensing, and her inferior function is introverted feeling. She was struggling on Tuesday with sadness, despair, and depression. She was in her inferior function, feelings that were internal that she was not talking about. Her tertiary, extroverted sensing, helped her get out of her funk. I asked her to focus on all the situations in her life that could give justification to her sadness. They were things in her outer world; what she saw, smelled, touched, heard, or tasted. That helped her get back to her strength of extroverted Thinking. Her weakness helped her overcome something that felt out of her control.
I also suggested she get a good night's sleep. We are never in our strength if we are hungry, angry, lonely, or tired.

I am an ESTJ. (Extroverted-Sensing-Thinking-Judging) I used my tertiary function to quit smoking. I loved smoking. I would leave work to smoke, sit down to smoke, hang out with friends to smoke. I loved it! It used my tertiary, extroverted iNtuition, to stop the urgency. It worked beautifully. I searched my outside (extroverted) world to find something I valued in the whole big scheme of things. It was my health. Whenever I thought I could not go one more second without a cigarette, I would say out loud, "I want to be healthy!" I could feel the tension in my arms relax and I could go another ten minutes until the next urge came. I would do it all over again. Eventually, the time increased between the addiction craving and I knew it no longer controlled me. Tapping into my tertiary strength, repeating my one-liner over and over, and trusting my knowledge, I overcame an addiction that was truly ruining my health.

Never stop learning about yourself. You are your best, and often your only, true advocate.

Until the next time: Live while you live!

Call 911, without hesitation, if you are in danger of hurting yourself or someone else.

Memories

Driving across the plains in a pickup truck. My husband is driving, and Roger Miller is singing Bobby McGee on Willie's Roadhouse. We are on the way to my family reunion in the town where I was born, raised, married, raised three children, divorced, and set free. It is always emotional when I go back. The school is new,  most of the storefronts are different or vacant, the hospital is now a nursing home, and the Pontiac anchor dealership is an empty concrete slab. Driving into town memories flood my mind. Even though I try to avoid the emotions, they still hit me in the back of my knees. We first greet the cemetery where my mom and dad are both buried along with grandparents, aunts, uncles, high school friends, and my first boyfriend. It is surreal to realize how life is a mere blink.

Next we see the fairgrounds. August always found it alive with horses, 4-H rabbits, pigs, cows, chickens, sewing, cake decorating, and brightly colored canned vegetables. I remember holding my breath as a high school friend was thrown into the  air during the rodeo bull riding. This is where my daughter caught a rooster with five dollars wrapped around its leg in the Chicken Catching Contest that attacked me for months whenever I left the house. It is where I fell out the back of a trailer as I was ready to model  my Grand Champion formal gown. The grandstand was full of people gasping and laughing. It is where, as a Campfire Girl, I helped people find their assigned rodeo seats.

The reunion is at the park across from the used-to-be hospital where I worked as a JUG (Just us Girls) when in high school. It is where I found myself in more than my share of trouble as my friends and I would ride the food elevator and raid the kitchen. It is where I thought I killed my friend's dad, who was a patient on the west side of the front hallway, because he died shortly after I gave him his evening back rub.

The park is full of people I don't know and I feel pressure to "turn on" so I can visit, laugh, and reminisce. Welcome to my family reunion.

Until the next time: Live while you live!

Call 911, without hesitation, if you are in danger of hurting yourself or someone else.

Life is good

Up early in the beautiful Rocky Mountains, rode my scooter to Safeway and then to Starbucks. Sitting by the river with my I-pad, my double tall soy latte, and a egg white spinach wrap, I thought, "This is likely as good as it gets!" Time to hear the river, like Siddhartha, and think, just think.

Seems I have so little time to think anymore. I believe thinking must be a lost art, a privilege, a memory. We have noise everywhere and information overload. The TV blatts, the radio bleats, the clothes dryer beeps. Where did the silence go? What happened to solitude, mental processing, problem solving? How do we know our opinions when we don't have time to withdraw from the chaos and reflect?

Nobody is to blame but myself, but at times it seems as though the constant interference is out of my control. My husband likes noise; he needs the TV on in order  to focus. While driving he needs talk radio blaring. If we are together, one of us is miserable. If I have my quiet, he gets antsy, and if he has his continual sounds, I am grinding my teeth.

We need change. We need a plan that offers solutions. We spend less and less time together, and that is a solution, but not real conducive to a close relationship. We could have separate offices, and that is an option, but that would require remodels, selling and buying furniture, and losing guest rooms. We could live in separate houses and only come together to sleep, but that would require buying three houses in the three cities where we seasonally live. We could divorce but that is a very poor choice because we really do love each other. We could set a timer and the noise could come on and off every 30 minutes, but I'm sure the ding would come right in the middle of my deepest thoughts.

I have tried to love his chaos and he has tried to tolerate my need for quiet. We both failed. We will keep trying. If I only had time to think, I'm sure I could figure it out. Any suggestions?

Grandkids

I'm sitting in an Adirondack chair by a pond that is surrounded by the beautiful Rocky Mountains. The sky is crystal blue and birds are soaring playfully among the pines. My granddaughter is sitting on the on a rock tossing pancake bits to the mallard ducks and trout that inhabit the water. Life is good.

Nothing is quite so sweet as having time alone with grandchildren. It is a rare opportunity to share myself at an authentic level and to believe that they let their guard down too. No other setting allots that luxury. It also brings me pleasure to see the results of my adult children's parenting successes. I see them in my grandkids facial expressions, their physical movements, and their opinions. Being with them brings purpose to my fast paced, often chaotic days. 

This morning we left the house with rubber gloves on our right hands and grocery bags in our left. We were picking up trash along side the road. She said, "Grandma, do people up here who don't know you think you're weird?" Who else could bring such laughter to my heart? I said, "Sweetie I'm sure they do, but who cares?  We're doing something good and maybe they will get the hint and stop throwing trash out their windows"

She has been patiently waiting for me to finish this posting, and we are now off to the rock shop, fun park, and library.

Until the next time: Live while you live!

Call 911, without hesitation, if you are in danger of hurting yourself or someone else.

3-14-13 What significance is enthusiasm in living a fulfilled life? (question from FB)

Enthusiasm is an attitude and if you keep it above a five on a scale on one to ten...ten being the highest, your life is far more fulfilled! It's a no-brainer! Anticipate and participate in events with joy and acceptance - you will find life filled with more smiles and positive memories.

Until the next time: Live while you live!

Call 911, without hesitation, if you are in danger of hurting yourself or someone else.

6-16-13 - Happy Father's Day

My first thought this morning: Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there! Of all the things in life I value, good dads are in the top five. Neither men nor women know how to be a parent, we all have to learn. Men and women have to put themselves secondary and put kids first in order to be a loving, giving parent. That isn't always what we want to do....sometimes we want it to be all about us! Give yourself a big pat on the back for all the effort put into being the man you want your son to become and the man you want your daughter to marry! Hallelujah and thank God for dads!

Until the next time: Live while you live!

Call 911, without hesitation, if you are in danger of hurting yourself or someone else.

Welcome to my new blog!

6-12-13

Helping people has always been my purpose in life. It was clarified and put into words during my Master's program at Colorado State University in a course that included dozens of assessments with the final project being, "My Purpose in Life...."

I have a Ph. D. in Counseling Education, and am a Licensed Professional Counselor. I have had my own private practice counseling office for over 20 years. Other than insurance billing, I have enjoyed all aspect of being a psychotherapist, and I learned as much or more from my clients as they learned from me.

I am in the "finding an agent" phase of publishing a sweet little book about 48 client's stories and the wisdom I gained from them. You will all be the first to know if any agent or editor gives me the encouraging green light.

What I have most enjoyed, career wise, is having an individual or couple come into my counseling office, shut the door, focus on their stories, and strategize solutions. We developed rich relationships, built trust, and implemented true change. My clients will forever be close to my heart and always in my thoughts and prayers.

In my attempt to reach out to more people, I am trying the internet approach. It is not like sitting with me face to face, but it offers answers, anonymity, and convenience. And, it is free. If you are in a crisis, this is not what you need, but for ordinary bumps in the road, this can be helpful and fun. Call 911, without hesitation, if you are in danger of hurting yourself or someone else.

Write to me, tell me your story, and I will give you my best wisdom. Use a fake name, and nobody, including me, will know your true identity. Your stories will be included in my blog preceding my responses. What you are struggling with will help so many people because we are never alone. If you are having trouble figuring something out, hundreds of other people are too.

Ask Dr. J.! We will be a team.

Until the next time: Live while you live!